i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
