Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
