I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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