Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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