she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
