I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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