Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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