OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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