I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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