we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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