No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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