All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
