$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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