Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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