The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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