So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize