I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
