so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
