went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
