D3 body, D1 cock
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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