I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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