So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
