So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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