He felt like a one man threesome
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
