dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
