you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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