they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
