is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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