It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
