I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
