Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
