you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
false alarm. still invincible.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
