The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize