alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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