oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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