he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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