I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
