Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
