what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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