Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
