Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
