Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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