That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
