At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
