I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize