Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
