sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
