how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
