Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
