i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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