And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
