i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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