I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
