im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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