There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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