Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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