You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
