I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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