i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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