I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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