I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
