to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
